15 of the Best Quotes From ‘Below Deck’s’ Captain Lee!

Below Deck’s Captain Lee is best known for his “Lee-isms” and we’ve compiled 15 of his best one-liners throughout the series.

Captain Lee from Bravo’s Below Deck is known for being a strict captain, but fans can’t get enough of his hilarious one-liners. Here are some of his best one-of-a-kind quotes. 

“You can drive a straight pin up my ass with a 10-pound sledgehammer.”

This is a new level of anger.

“I’m madder than a pissed-on chicken.”

We’ve all been there. 

“I would rather drag my d*ck through 10 miles of whiskey bottles.”

Honestly, we get it,

“Life is like a sh*t sandwich. The more bread you have, the more sh*t you have to eat.”

Very true.

“I’ve never seen such a collective group of f*****g idiots in my life.”

The most entertaining groups. 

“Dump truck mouth overloading your wheelbarrow behind.”

Wait what?

“They better give their souls to Jesus ‘cause their asses belong to me.”

New fear unlocked.

“It really wrinkles my ass.”

That’s a new one! 

“We’ve gone through more deckhands than a condom salesman in a wh***e house.”

A great comparison, Captain. 

“Suck it up creampuff.”

Think we’ve all heard this one before.

“We screwed the pooch so many times we should have a litter of puppies running around.”


“If you start crying again I’m gonna have to go get you some cheese to go with that wine you’ve been spouting.”

Hey, but wine and cheese don’t sound so bad!

“I don’t wanna see deer in the headlights, I wanna see the goddamn light go on over their head.” 

We understand this one Captain Lee.

“I’m gonna eat someone’s ass for dinner.” 

That’s never good. 

“They could f**k up a two-car funeral.”

Only Captain Lee could say this.

About the Author

Kiley Hill

Kiley Hill is a senior at Penn State University majoring in broadcast journalism focusing on TV reporting and minoring in entrepreneurship and innovation with a focus on new media.